S-P-A-R-K-Y the Letter Man
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: Buster becomes Sparky's coach when he discovers his hidden talent for spelling, but becomes wildly competitive as Sparky starts competing in more and more spelling bees. Meanwhile, RK develops a crush on the new social worker at school, and will do anything to get in her office.
1. S-P-A-R-K-Y the Letter Man Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 4

EPISODE 2

Airdate: October 4, 2015

"S-P-A-R-K-Y the Letter Man"

Segway Segment: _Thank You, Heavenly Shorts_ ("Everybody Hates Anja")

Special Guest Stars: Inga Cadranel as Mrs. Henderson, Chris Rock as RK (Narrator/Voiceover), William Daniels as Mr. Robertson, Andre Kim as Simon Chu, Jared Leong as Davey Chu

SCENE 1

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The alarm clock in RK's room goes off at 7:30 AM. His hand keeps trying to find the alarm clock so he can turn it off, but he keeps missing it until he gets out of the bed and unplugs the clock from the outlet in the wall._

RK: Well, the first day of hell is finally here.

 _RK leaves his room with a look of frustration and heads towards the bathroom, where he runs into KG walking up the stairs. They stare at each other with the same frustrated expression for a few seconds._

KG: You ready for hell?

RK: As much as I can be.

KG: After you.

RK: Thanks.

KG: No problem.

 _KG heads towards his room and ends up tripping over a red rubber ball._

RK: I forgot where I left it, sorry!

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _All five members of Testicular Sound Express stare at the school while watching other kids walk inside._

WADE: Guys, it's just the first day of school, not World War III. Get a grip.

RK: Dude, the last day of school is like Christmas and New Year's Eve mixed with WrestleMania. The first day of school is like someone knocking me as hard as they can in the gut and stealing all my cash.

JAYLYNN: Well said.

WADE: Blasphemy, RK. The first day is a special occasion. Every year, I look forward to it more than anything else in the world.

RK: Yeah, because you're a big fat nerd!

WADE: Hey, don't take this away from me, alright? This is MY Christmas, got it?! **MY** CHRISTMAS!

SPARKY: Do you have any idea what they're talking about?

BUSTER: I don't know. I think RK mentioned SummerSlam or something.

SPARKY: Let's just go inside before somebody ends up bleeding on the ground again.

RK: Yeah.

WADE: You're right.

JAYLYNN: I agree with the idea that you just said.

 _The quintet walks inside at the same time, and after some shoving between them from getting stuck in the entrance, they are able to get in._

SCENE 3

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky and Buster walk past several kids in the hallway. However, some of them make Sparky scratch his head in confusion._

SPARKY: Um, where were all these kids last year?

BUSTER: New kindergarteners, I guess.

SPARKY: Buster, kindergarten kids are on the ground floor of the school. Besides, they look old.

BUSTER: A growth spurt, puberty, I don't have all the answers, man. Let's just get ready to start our fifth year of fourth grade.

SPARKY: It probably won't be our last.

BUSTER: I know it won't.

 _The two of them walk into Mrs. Bernstein's English class. They see that all the chairs and desks have been put away to their confusion._

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Sparky, Buster, good to see you boys again.

BUSTER: Why are all the chairs and desks put away, Mrs. Bernstein? Are we going to do that meet and greet again? It's so stupid, we've known each other since Obama's first term!

MRS. BERNSTEIN: No. Actually, I thought about spicing up the first day with a fun activity. A spelling bee with the whole class!

SPARKY: A spelling bee?

 _Sparky and Buster give each other looks with their eyebrow raised._

SCENE 4

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _RK, Wade, and Jaylynn are walking through the halls while checking out their schedules._

JAYLYNN: You know, I think I want to focus on science this year. I always liked that class.

WADE: Maybe you should try getting that history grade up. I don't feel like traveling through time right now.

JAYLYNN: Bite me, man.

RK: I just realized we've never had a hot teacher.

WADE: Dude, why would you want a hot teacher?

RK: Well, it's something to get me out of the house. Plus, hot teachers tend to speak to kids like me. They're just so...hot, you know?

JAYLYNN: You should really be a public speaker one day.

RK: Are...are you being sarcastic, or what? Cool, a pen!

 _RK picks up the purple fountain pen._

RK: I should give it a name. This pen is too cool to not have a name. Maybe Joshy.

MRS. HENDERSON: Excuse me, I think I dropped that pen.

 _The camera turns towards a long brown-haired woman with a tan complexion and long legs. She is wearing a black button down shirt, white pants with a designer belt, and black shoes. RK's eyes widen at the sight of the woman._

RK: Oh my God. Am I dead?!

JAYLYNN: We're sorry about the pen thing. RK, give her back the pen.

RK: Joshy?! I can't just give it to someone else, it's probably not even their property.

MRS. HENDERSON: That depends. Is there a BIC logo on it?

 _RK sees the BIC logo on the front of the pen._

RK: You know, mam, I am so sorry for the mix-up. My name is RK Jennings. Top student, king of the young people, a master lover if you will.

WADE: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

MRS. HENDERSON: Thank you, I'll keep that in mind.

JAYLYNN: So are you a new teacher here?

MRS. HENDERSON: Close. I'm actually the new therapist. My name is Mrs. Henderson, and I'm here to address whatever concerns you have. So whenever you're in the mood to talk, just knock on my door.

RK: I'll make sure my knocking is top-notch.

MRS. HENDERSON: You know, I think I do know you. Ryan Kennedy Jennings?

RK: Well, if you want to be on a full-name basis, I definitely don't mind.

MRS. HENDERSON: Yes, I hear you're a comedian.

RK: Well, I'm no George Carlin, but most kids think I'm pretty funny.

WADE: Mm-hmmm.

MRS. HENDERSON: Well, I have to go attend to some other things around here. I'll see you guys later.

JAYLYNN: See you, Mrs. Henderson.

WADE: See you.

RK: Until next we meet, you sweet princess.

JAYLYNN: Oh Lordy. You got it bad for the school therapist. I don't even know if that's legal.

RK: Jaylynn, me and Mrs. Henderson were meant to be. She just gave me an invitation to come to her office any time. I am so in there!

WADE: You're not in anything. She's a social worker, it's her JOB to say that to all the kids here. And anyway, she's married and looks at least 25.

RK: Maybe she likes younger guys. I mean, Tyga took a chance on Kylie Jenner and they seem kinda normal.

JAYLYNN: Dude, I hate to break it to you, but you are so not in there.

 _Wade and Jaylynn walk away from a disappointed RK._

RK: I am going to get that babe to be mine if it's the last thing I do.

 _The camera pulls back to reveal Sanna and Ashley staring at RK._

RK: That's the name of a song. By the Wu-Tang Clan.

ASHLEY: Oh, okay.

SANNA: They're alright, I guess.

SCENE 5

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mrs. Bernstein's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The kids are still competing in the spelling bee. Sparky, Will, and an unnamed Caucasian kid with a Houston Astros baseball cap remain. It is Will's turn._

WILL: C-o-m-p-u-t-a-t-i-u-n. Computation.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: I'm sorry, Will, but that's incorrect. But excellent job.

WILL: Damn. Next time we have a spelling bee, maybe I should know that word.

BUSTER: Mrs. Bernstein, I have no idea why I was the second kid eliminated.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: You misspelled asthmatic.

BUSTER: That's not a very easy word, those consonants get to you.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Alright, Sparky and Clyde, you're our final two. The next kid to misspell a word will be the runner-up, and the winner will represent this class in the fourth grade spelling bee.

BUSTER: GO SPARKY!

 _Mrs. Bernstein shoots Buster an unamused look._

BUSTER: I, um...I lost control of my emotions.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Remember the word, computation.

SPARKY: Computation. C-o-m-p-u-t-a-t-i-o-n. Computation.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Correct.

 _Buster and a few other kids clap while Sparky has a smile on his face. Some time later, Sparky and Clyde are still duking it out._

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Alright, Clyde, this is the next word. Spell annihilate.

CLYDE: Could I have a definition?

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Everybody knows the Astros are going to annihilate the Angels this weekend.

CLYDE: Cool. Okay. Annihilate. A-n...um...A-n-i-h-i-l-l-a-t-e. Annihilate.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: I'm sorry, Clyde, that's incorrect. Sparky, this is for the win. If you get this right, you're the spelling champion for this class. Spell annihilate.

SPARKY: Annihilate. A-n-n-i-h-i-l-a-t-e. Annihilate.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: That's correct! Sparky, you're the winner of the spelling bee for our English class! Way to go!

 _The kids start crowding around Sparky and congratulating him._

SPARKY: It was nothing, guys. Really, it wasn't. I could spell those words in my sleep. Hehe.

BUSTER: Sparky, that was one of the greatest things I've seen in the history of anything! How were you able to memorize all those words?

SPARKY: Well, I do a lot of reading so I don't need to look at a word more than a few times to spell it out. Plus, I have this trick called the mnemonic device.

BUSTER: Mnemonic device? What in the world is that?

SPARKY: It helps you remember things easier and faster. Take the word annihilate. You double the n, you double the i, and you keep the l by itself then you'll always be able to...annihilate.

BUSTER: That's awesome!

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Sparky, that was an excellent showing. The fourth grade spelling bee is next week, so just keep on studying and you'll do great.

SPARKY: Not just great. I'll annihilate.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: That's exactly the attitude I want from my students.

BUSTER: You know, Sparky, I can help you study.

SPARKY: That's okay. I'm more of a soloist.

BUSTER: Dude, this isn't just a spelling bee. You're going up against all the other fourth-graders. If you don't win, everyone will just see you as that kid that picked his nose and ate dirt all the time.

SPARKY: People don't see me that way.

BUSTER: It happened to me in second grade, and it will happen to you. Trust me.

SCENE 6

iCarly Elementary School

Exterior Exit

Seattle, Washington

 _The five kids are all exiting the school after the day is over._

WADE: Well, that was an excellent first day.

JAYLYNN: You say that about every first day.

WADE: Well, it's school. I know I say it a lot, but it's my Christmas and I can't stand it!

SPARKY: So RK, how was your day?

RK: I found love today.

SPARKY: Wait, what?

JAYLYNN: He has this puppy dog crush on Mrs. Henderson.

BUSTER: The new counselor? Um...well, do your thing, I guess.

RK: Oh, I see what's going on here. You guys are all acting like this because you're jealous of my new attraction.

WADE: There are so many things wrong with that sentence, I don't even know where to start.

RK: F*** you, man. This woman is the woman I've been waiting for my whole life. Men swear by beauties like Mrs. Henderson.

JAYLYNN: Please, she ain't that cute.

WADE: And like I said before, she's married and 25 at least. She probably grew up watching Nickelodeon when it was actually good.

RK: Age difference or no age difference, she struck my heart like the world's biggest arrow, and I'm going to score my babe.

SPARKY: So what's the plan?

RK: Tomorrow, I'm going to cause a scene in class and get sent to her office. Then I'll tell her funny stories, we'll giggle and then...

WADE: I don't need to know the rest.

RK: Suit yourself.

JAYLYNN: So I heard about the human dictionary today.

SPARKY: People are calling me that?

BUSTER: They sure are. I made sure to spread the word.

SPARKY: Ah, you didn't need to do that.

WADE: Sublime spelling skills, Sparky. I look forward to seeing you compete next week.

SPARKY: Thanks, man.

RK: Do you think Mrs. Henderson likes spelling bees?

WADE: What the hell is your problem?

RK: I just think these are the things we should start wondering about. In fact, I think we should all make a vow to support me in this endeavor.

BUSTER: Your friend just annihilated a spelling bee and all you can talk about is an old woman who's out of your league?

RK: Oh yeah. My man. Great job at the basketball game, Swish. ( _Sparky gets a nauseous look on his face.)_ So I was thinking, to get Mrs. Henderson, we need a plan.

 _With an extremely frustrated expression, Wade holds RK's lips together._

WADE: I swear, I am this close to snapping your neck off and feeding it to your cat, you son of a bitch. Stop talking about this damn social worker for just one God-forsaken second, please.

 _There is an awkward pause for a few seconds as Wade continues staring RK down while letting go of his lips._

RK: Dude, lay off the barbecue sauce, your breath is HOT.

SCENE 7

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky is looking through words in the dictionary and then gives the book to Buster. He then takes a deep breath._

SPARKY: Alright, ask me anything.

BUSTER: Okay. Spell expeditious.

SPARKY: Expeditious. E-x-p-e-d-i-t-i-o-u-s. Expeditious.

BUSTER: Correct. How about... _(Buster starts flipping to a random page in the dictionary)_...perspicacity?

SPARKY: Perspicacity. P-e-r-s-p-i-c-a-c-i-t-y. Perspicacity.

BUSTER: Well, here is a real brain teaser. Helps keep kids up all night trying to figure it out. Danger.

 _Sparky gets a look of extreme boredom._

SPARKY: D-a-n-g-e-r?

BUSTER: See, that was a cool down word. Ah, Sparky, you're going to kill this bee next week.

SPARKY: You know, Buster, I have to thank you for supporting me. I never felt that special before.

BUSTER: What are you talking about? You're the most special person I know.

SPARKY: I guess, but I've never really felt the best at anything. Wade has science, RK's the class clown, Jaylynn's the tough guy, and you're the cute one. I'm just Sparky.

BUSTER: Dude, no one could do what you do being our leader. Even if you weren't such a great speller, I would still want to be half as confident as you are.

SPARKY: Thanks, man. Maybe if I do well next week, I can finally have something that separates me from the other guys.

BUSTER: Oh yeah, that reminds me. How would you spell separate?

SPARKY: S-e-p-a-r-a-t-e. Separate.

BUSTER: Cool.

SCENE 8

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _RK grabs a book out of his locker while Jaylynn stands near him._

JAYLYNN: So what's your plan to get to Mrs. Henderson?

RK: I thought about what I said yesterday and I realized it's not going to work out.

JAYLYNN: Wait a minute. You're actually going to take the rational approach to something?

RK: Yeah, why not. I walk over to her office and start talking. I'm going to woo her the only way I know how: By being myself.

JAYLYNN: Oh boy. Well, hopefully, you succeed.

RK: Thanks.

 _RK has a sly smile as he walks towards Mrs. Henderson's office. He knocks on her door while Mrs. Henderson is writing something down in her notebook with glasses on. She looks up at the door and takes off her glasses._

MRS. HENDERSON: Come in.

 _RK walks in the room and immediately takes a seat._

MRS. HENDERSON: Ryan, why am I not surprised to see you?

RK: Well, you extended an invitation to come here and talk. Besides, I have all sorts of problems.

MRS. HENDERSON: Okay, well, I would be happy to hear some of your problems. That's why I'm here, Ryan, to help you be the best person you can be.

RK: And I'm psyched that you want to do that. I prefer RK, if that's fine with you.

MRS. HENDERSON: Of course it is, I want you to be comfortable. So, RK, what has brought you to my office today?

 _(in his thoughts)_ RK: I have nothing. If she's going to fall for me, I have to give her what she wants. _(aloud)_ I was born a crack baby.

MRS. HENDERSON: Um, excuse me?

RK: Yeah, my mother was taught how to smoke by her dad. And his dad taught him, and _his_ dad taught him. You know, before he blew his brains out and left a bus token in his will.

MRS. HENDERSON: Oh, dear. You seem like a relatively regular child, how did this happen?

RK: Well, Ms. Henderson, it all started when I was conceived. Cocaine was in my blood for as long as I can remember. By the age of four, there was crack in my breakfast cereal, and then my lemonade. I even went to the bathroom and urinated crack along with regular urine. It was just the way a Jennings man was meant to live.

 _Mrs. Henderson's eyes widen as her jaw has dropped completely. RK seems unaffected by her reaction._

RK: Would you like to hear stories about my sexually abusive uncle?

SCENE 9

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Sam Puckett Auditorium

Seattle, Washington

 _It is the day of the fourth grade spelling bee, and Sparky is currently on stage in front of a packed house. Buster, Jaylynn, Wade, Halley, Ashley, and Sanna are all in the front row._

SPARKY: Iconoclast. I-c-o-n-o-c-l-a-s-t. Iconoclast.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Correct, Sparky.

BUSTER: YEAH, THAT'S MY BOY! _(turns his attention towards Ashley, who is sitting right next to him)_ That's my best friend Sparky. He's the best speller in the fourth grade. Probably even the whole school.

ASHLEY: Buster, I know who Sparky is.

BUSTER: Yes you do. Pretty soon, he'll be the biggest star in show business and you'll regret the day you EVER said he couldn't make it.

ASHLEY: I gave him a plate of cookies before the contest as a gift.

BUSTER: I bet you didn't even bake them yourself.

 _Ashley gives Buster a bored expression._

SCENE 10

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Sam Puckett Auditorium

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky and another girl are the finalists of the bee. A few people have already left._

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Alright, Christina, this is your word. Spell subversive.

CHRISTINA: Subversive. S-u-b-v-u-r-s-i-v-e. Subversive.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: I'm sorry, that's incorrect. Sparky, if you get this word correct, you will move on to the schoolwide spelling bee. Subversive.

SPARKY: Subversive. S-u-b-v-e-r-s-i-v-e. Subversive.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: That's correct! Sparky, you are the fourth grade spelling champion of iCarly Elementary!

 _The crowd goes wild after the announcement. Buster starts doing a bizarre dance with his eyes closed that confuses the rest of the gang, but has Halley cracking up. Sparky and Christina shake hands._

CHRISTINA: I was thinking of cursive when I spelled that.

SPARKY: That's okay. You did great.

CHRISTINA: Thanks. If you keep spelling like that, you'll definitely beat the rest of the school next week.

 _The kids all rush the stage. Jaylynn opens up a bottle of Sprite and pours it all over Sparky as a sign of celebration._

SPARKY: I'm all moist now!

HALLEY: Sparky, that was awesome. I always knew you could do it.

SPARKY: Yeah, I love to take pride in my work.

 _Sparky and Halley are about to kiss when Buster steps in._

BUSTER: The human dictionary strikes again.

HALLEY: You. Me. Ike's. It's on me. I'll let you guys talk.

SPARKY: Cool! So, Buster, I guess the whole school is on notice now, eh?

 _Sparky starts chuckling while Buster has a stern look on his face. Sparky stops chuckling and becomes concerned._

SPARKY: Why aren't you laughing heartily with me?

BUSTER: What the f*** are you chuckling about, man?

SPARKY: Excuse me?

BUSTER: You're excused. Look, Sparky, that was a great performance, but you have to make sure you're ready for next week. This is serious business.

SPARKY: Buster...it's just a spelling bee. Not Game 7 of the World Series. Come on, let's party tonight.

BUSTER: Alright, fine. We can have fun tonight, champ. But as your coach, I think it's important that we practice enough throughout...

SPARKY: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You're my coach? I don't need a coach!

BUSTER: Before he met Phil Jackson, Kobe said the same thing. Sparky, you need someone you trust to help keep you on the right path. Someone with a strong mind. Someone sophisticated and cool under pressure.

SPARKY: Buster, you were scared of foil paper for three years.

BUSTER: That was the old me. This is the new me. And I want to make sure you keep your head on your shoulders. Because starting next week, we're at war. WAR! Alright, let's go to Ike's. I want extra vanilla sauce on my Pepsi sundae!

 _Buster walks away while Sparky stands around confused with his gold medal._

SPARKY: Ugh. Kids these days.

SCENE 11

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _RK is watching TV late at night in his underwear when KG walks downstairs._

KG: Dude, put on some pants, please.

RK: How come you're always watching TV in your drawers and nothing happens?

KG: Because I'm smart about it and do it when you're not home, ya nasty.

RK: I'll do that later. Hey, did you know there are like, no TV shows for black people? It's like, in the 2000s, they had it all and now no one cares about what they want to watch.

KG: What about all those reality shows?

RK: Please, reality shows haven't been good since the Bush administration.

KG: Why are you here anyway? I thought you would be hitting the town with the guys.

RK: Eh, I felt funny so I couldn't go see Sparky in action. Next time. But I have a personal question.

KG: I told you, when you get older, your hormones will...

RK: Dude, not that. I want to know what to do about my new crush.

KG: You're dating Anna and you like someone else?

RK: It's not another girl I like, it's another...woman.

KG: Another woman?

RK: She's the new social worker at school. Mrs. Henderson. I want her to connect with me on a personal level.

KG: Dude, you're ten years old and you like an adult. Nothing's going to happen.

RK: How do you know for sure? She might like younger guys.

KG: Yeah, and she might like prison bars too if she's looking for guys your age. Look, RK, pretty soon, you're going to be a teenager. And you have to realize that just because you think someone is cute or whatever, doesn't mean anything will happen or needs to happen. It's just puppy love.

RK: Oh please, like you felt connected to a teacher when you were my age.

KG: Mrs. Richard, my third grade English teacher. Damn, she was HOT. I'm telling you, every single person in my class wanted a piece of her.

RK: Even the girls?

KG: You would switch orientations just for her. I thought we were meant to be, but then I realized she was married.

RK: So what did you do to fix your problem?

KG: I walked up to her one day and said I was going to stab her stupid husband's stupid guts out so we could be together. I thought she would be attracted to the rugged, murderous type. Then I got suspended, Mom and Dad came to town just to give me a spanking and then Mrs. Richard told me I should start chasing girls my age.

RK: And the moral of this story is...

KG: If you say things you don't mean in school, they will use it against you. I knew one kid who made a joke about Columbine. About an hour later, the police came in and beat the shit out of him.

RK: KG, you're really starting to lose me here.

KG: Don't be an idiot like me, okay?!

RK: That shouldn't be too hard.

 _KG gives a smirking RK an open-mouthed expression of disgust._

SCENE 12

The MacDougal Household

Interior Sparky's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky is sleeping early in the morning when the camera pulls back to reveal Buster with an ominous look on his face. He takes the glass of hot water in his hand and throws it in Sparky's face._

SPARKY: AAAAAHHHH! SON OF A BITCH, WHAT THE...HOLY GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

BITCH CLOCK: What's going on? Did you get shot?!

SPARKY: BUSTER, WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

BUSTER: Do you know what time it is?

BITCH CLOCK: Time for us to call the damn cops.

BUSTER: It's 7:30 in the morning.

SPARKY: And it's on a Saturday when I sleep in. Get the hell out of here.

BUSTER: Sparky, somewhere out there, the world's most powerful people are doing their thing at 7:30 in the morning. They didn't achieve by lounging around. Now if you're going to win this spelling bee next week, you need to be prepared.

SPARKY: What exactly do you have planned anyway?

BUSTER: Oh, I have big plans for you, Sparks. BIG plans.

 _("Spellbound" by K-Solo playing in the background)_

 _Buster has Sparky training hard for the spelling bee, ranging from him doing speed drills to putting flash cards of various words on items all around his house. Sparky and Buster are then shown writing down words on a chalkboard in a local high school classroom while the kids bump their fists and cheer them on. At one point, Buster is typing a bunch of words into an old computer and they show up on the screen while Sparky is amazed. Sparky competes in the school spelling bee and wins. Buster has a big smile during the photo op while Sparky just has a neutral expression. Wade and Jaylynn watch Sparky study for the district spelling bee with Buster through the window of his living room, and look concerned. Sparky ends up winning the district spelling bee, while RK continues to get Mrs. Henderson's affection with more weird stories. She writes his name down in the "Serious Case" category in her notebook. He remains oblivious to the fact that his methods are failing when he gives her a seductive smile in her office. Sparky moves on to the citywide spelling bee, which he ends up winning after nearly tripping over a word while in the final four. The montage ends with The Seattle Times running a story on Sparky's latest victory._

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Testicular Sound Express is eating as one whole group together. Sparky looks physically drained and he has bags under his eyes._

JAYLYNN: You know, it's so cool how Sparky's going to be in the statewide spelling bee.

RK: Yeah, I bet the human dictionary does it again. I better get my list of complaints ready.

WADE: List of complaints?

RK: Yeah. This kid's going to D.C., so I better make sure I'm prepared to meet Obama.

BUSTER: I think they're going to have the bee on public access. And it makes sense. My little champ needs the exposure.

SPARKY: Yeah, yeah. Sure. Hey, does it feel like the table is spinning to anyone?

RK: No.

SPARKY: Really? Because I think I'm starting to lose my mind right now.

JAYLYNN: Alright then.

 _Mrs. Henderson comes into the lunchroom and walks towards RK when she spots him._

MRS. HENDERSON: RK?

RK: Mrs. Henderson. What a surprise. Up for another session?

MRS. HENDERSON: Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk about. Come with me.

RK: I'm about to snag my woman!

 _RK starts dancing behind Mrs. Henderson, then stops when she looks back at him, and continues when she looks away as they leave the room._

BUSTER: That boy is so amazingly awkward. Hey Sparky, let's get upstairs and study some more. If you want to get to regionals, you're going to have to go through the whole state of Washington.

WADE: I'm pretty sure that's why this is the statewide spelling bee.

BUSTER: Shut up. Come on, Sparks.

SPARKY: Be right there, Halley.

 _The kids all look confused but shrug it off as Buster goes to dump out the garbage in his tray. Sparky tries doing the same, and starts breathing heavily after a few seconds. He then collapses on the floor._

WADE: **SPARKY!**

JAYLYNN: **SOMEONE GET THE NURSE!**

 _Buster slowly turns around and looks regretful as the kids start rushing to Sparky's aid. "Big Time Theme Song" by Big Time Rush starts playing in the background as the camera zooms in on a fallen Sparky._

 _SEGWAY SEGMENT_

 _(The instrumental to "I'm Not Going Out Like That" by Run-D.M.C. playing in the background)_

 _Buster and RK are shown inside Times Square with a sign that says "Thank You, Heavenly Shorts." RK then turns the sign around to introduce the name of the short, "Everybody Hates Anja."_

 _("Set 'Em Straight" by Eric B. & Rakim playing in the background)_

 _A caption on the screen reads "Seattle - 2015." RK is shown walking out of iCarly Elementary._

NARRATOR: When I was ten years old, I had no trouble with most girls. I had a great girlfriend.

 _Anna walks up to RK and kisses him on the cheek, and they start walking together._

NARRATOR: And I could make friends with girls whenever I needed to.

 _At that point, RK sees Jaylynn and gives her a high-five, and she joins him and Anna in walking together._

NARRATOR: But there was one girl who never gave me the time of day, no matter what I did.

JAYLYNN: Hey, look, it's Anja.

 _Anja is shown walking towards RK, Anna, and Jaylynn. RK looks almost threatened._

NARRATOR: Anja Saleh. She was Jaylynn's best friend. I tried being friends with her in the past, but every attempt blew up in my face. I tried watching TV with her.

 _RK is shown watching TV at Anja's house. He looks nervous while Anja wears a neutral expression._

RK: You want to watch _Full House_?

ANJA: No, it's really lame. How about _Dance Moms_?

RK: The hell?

NARRATOR: I tried mentoring her younger sister.

 _RK is sitting at Anja's kitchen table and talking to Lynne who is sitting across from him._

RK: So, even though you lost the game, you tried your best in the end, and that's what really matters.

 _Lynne looks visibly confused while Anja shakes her head on the living room couch._

NARRATOR: And she was asking me a homework question.

 _RK is now shown on Anja's bed at night trying to sleep. Anja is already knocked out herself. RK looks very uncomfortable and keeps looking around the room not knowing what to do._

NARRATOR: I even tried sleeping in the same bed as her.

RK: Psssst. Are you asleep yet?

 _While asleep, Anja ends up knocking RK off the bed with her feet._

RK: GAAAH! Dammit.

 _RK is then shown waiting for instruction in Mrs. Bernstein's class._

NARRATOR: I thought I would never be able to understand Anja. But all that was about to change.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Okay, class, your next assignment is something you'll find really fun.

NARRATOR: That's what they told the police during the Ferguson riots.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: I want you all to write an essay on a person you don't know very well, that you want to know better. Interview them, find out about their hobbies and goals, and at the end, answer the following question: "Do I understand this person more than I did when I first started?"

WADE: Hey.

RK: What?

WADE: You should do your report on Anja.

RK: Why? She doesn't like me.

WADE: Well, you're always trying to get to know her better. This is your ticket. Plus, she's an interesting person. You go to her house, find out a few cool things, and get your easy A.

RK: Well, I guess I need someone for this assignment. I'll go over there today, write a few paragraphs, and I'm done.

NARRATOR: Couldn't be any worse than a date with Miley Cyrus.

 _After school, RK is walking towards Anja's house instead of taking his usual route home._

NARRATOR: Wade made me realize that in order to get a good grade at school, I would have to make sure me and Anja were cool.

 _RK knocks on the door and Anja opens it up. She looks a little annoyed._

RK: Hey Anja.

ANJA: RK, what are you doing here? You know lately, I feel like you've been here a lot.

RK: That's a great insight. But look, I'm doing an assignment for school. I have to write an essay on people I want to get to know better and I chose you.

ANJA: Why?

NARRATOR: Because dummy, he just said it two seconds ago!

RK: Because I don't know you, and you don't know me. We've been at odds all year long and I have to make sure we settle things.

ANJA: Are you making up this assignment?

RK: What? No! Why would I willingly come here to your house just so I can do fake schoolwork? I hate doing _regular_ schoolwork!

ANJA: And you're sure this is not a joke?

RK: Yes. Go ask Jaylynn, her class got the same report.

NARRATOR: A week later, Jaylynn turned in her rant against Halley and got a B-plus.

ANJA: Alright. Come inside.

 _RK walks inside after letting out a sigh. Later on, RK is watching Anja do homework. He seems bored, but he continues to look intently._

NARRATOR: To get the best grade in the class, I had to find something about Anja I never knew before. Make sure I really understood who she was. It was kinda like the entertainment industry studying Caitlyn Jenner.

ANJA: RK,what are you doing?

RK: I'm making New England clam cakes. What does it look like, I'm watching you do homework.

ANJA: Well, could you not?

RK: Anja, I have been here for almost a half hour and I don't have one piece of information I can use for my report. This is my rough draft so far. "I have a friend named Anja Saleh. Actually, she's not really my friend, more like a friend by association. She's Muslim so she does lots of Muslim stuff. She eats food, does homework, and enjoys mountain biking in her spare time."

ANJA: I don't even own a mountain bike.

RK: Exactly. You're forcing me to lie on my assignment. At least show me something or tell me something cool about yourself so I can get out of here. What makes up the real Anja?

 _Anja sighs and gets up from the couch._

ANJA: Come on, kid.

RK: Alright?

 _RK follows Anja upstairs. The scene picks up in Anja's room._

ANJA: These are some of my trophies. I guess you could use them to brag about me in your assignment.

NARRATOR: Not many people realize that interviewing someone or writing about them is all just one big promotional tool at your expense.

ANJA: This medal here, I actually won for Most Improved Student back in second grade.

RK: Most Improved? But you're one of the smartest kids I know.

ANJA: Believe it or not, RK, I was just like you at one point. I wasn't really the best in school, especially in math. You ever heard of dyscalculia?

RK: I think so. Isn't that like dyslexia with numbers?

ANJA: Yeah. You're looking at a kid who was diagnosed with it a long time ago. I don't like telling people about it because it makes me feel a little insecure. But I worked hard to get past it and now I'm a lot better in school.

RK: Cool. That's actually really cool.

NARRATOR: Finding out about Anja's dyscalculia made her a little more human in my eyes. After that, it didn't seem like we were so different.

RK: Is this you playing softball?

ANJA: Yeah, I'm pretty athletic. I always tried staying in shape so my doctor suggested doing sports. Volleyball, as you already know, badminton, hockey. I even tried basketball but that didn't work out too well.

NARRATOR: Not being too good at basketball could still land you a spot on the Sacramento Kings.

ANJA: So, could I ask you something?

RK: Yeah, sure?

ANJA: Why do you pay so much attention to me? Even when you don't like me? I mean, I'm not really all that special.

RK: I can't explain it, but there's just something interesting about you. Maybe it's because you're religious, maybe it's because you're Jaylynn's best friend and I know so little about you.

ANJA: Not everyone can be everybody's friend, RK. We know each other through Jaylynn and I want to believe we can get along without insulting each other.

NARRATOR: Anja and I were friends by association. Those people almost never acknowledge each other because they know they would never speak to each other in a million years without the mutual friend. To this day, I still have no idea who Gilcania talks to outside of school.

ANJA: You should probably get going. I'll see you out.

RK: Alright.

 _RK is later shown leaving the house as Anja holds the door for him._

RK: You know, I'm going to have to come back tomorrow for more information.

ANJA: That's cool. Just make sure you knock first because I hate it when people walk in.

RK: No problem. I have a special knock lined up.

ANJA: Sure you do. Okay, see you tomorrow.

RK: See you.

NARRATOR: It was amazing. For the first time, I actually thought Anja was cool. I always believed she was different from me and the guys, and that she had it easier because she could succeed at anything. But maybe she wasn't such a bad person after all.

 _To be continued..._

SCENE 14

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Nurse's Office

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky is resting on what appears to resemble a hospital bed with his eyes closed. Buster looks concerned as Nurse Patricia goes through her notes._

BUSTER: Is Sparky dead?

NURSE PATRICIA: He's not dead, Buster, he just needs a lot of rest. According to my notes, it looks like he's constantly being sent around town thanks to these spelling competitions. The pressure is getting to him and it doesn't look like he ever gets a break from it all.

BUSTER: Well, will he be able to go home today?

NURSE PATRICIA: He will, but I advise he doesn't come back to school until he starts feeling better. He looks like a mess, he moves around slowly and he's delirious.

BUSTER: Delirious?

NURSE PATRICIA: Yeah. He keeps spelling the word annihilate over and over.

SPARKY: A-n-n...something h-i-t-e.

NURSE PATRICIA: And half the time, he can't even say it right. Please make sure he gets some rest, Buster.

BUSTER: Don't worry, Nurse Patricia's, he's in good hands. I know he'll pull through.

SCENE 15

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mrs. Henderson's Office

Seattle, Washington

RK: You're thinking about taking me to see a specialist? Why? There's nothing wrong with me!

MRS. HENDERSON: RK, I'm worried about you. In the past two weeks, you've told me some startling things that I'm not qualified to help you with.

RK: Like what? My alcoholic aunt constantly beating me when I was four?

MRS. HENDERSON: Yes. Plus your mother getting pregnant with seven kids from seven different fathers, you taking LSD when you were seven, and your repeated usage of racial slurs towards your friend Wade.

RK: Okay, other than that.

MRS. HENDERSON: You have apparently lit your friend Jaylynn on fire multiple times, or at least attempted to.

RK: I was trying out to be a pyromaniac at the time. I can't just settle on one career.

MRS. HENDERSON: RK, either two things add up here. You've been lying to me the whole time, or you actually do need professional psychiatric help. Which is it?

RK: The former.

MRS. HENDERSON: What?! Do you realize how serious this is?

RK: No, because if I had realized it sooner, I wouldn't have said anything. I just wanted to see you every day because I have a crush on you so I made up all of that stuff. Except for the time I shot my brother, I thought there were no bullets in the gun.

 _Mrs. Henderson looks shocked beyond belief as RK just sits there with a neutral look on his face._

RK: So what now?

 _The scene cuts to RK_ _sorting out his locker so he can pack his things._

JAYLYNN: So you were suspended for a whole week?

RK: Yup. Plus, Mrs. Henderson just resigned because of psychological reasons. Who knew being politically incorrect could get you in trouble?

JAYLYNN: Gee, let me think. Everybody!

RK: It could have been worse. I could have said something about rape, but that was way too over the line.

 _At that point, Mr. Robertson walks into the school and spots RK and Jaylynn._

RK: Mr. Robertson?!

JAYLYNN: You're back?!

MR. ROBERTSON: Actually, no, Ms. Huie, I'm still retired. I'm just here to check out the kids once again. So how have you two been?

JAYLYNN: Fine.

RK: I just got suspended for a week because of a barrage of lies about my unstable, drug and alcohol-fueled, and sexually abusive home life.

 _Mr. Robertson just takes off his glasses and lets out a big sigh._

MR. ROBERTSON: Well, Mr. Jennings, I hope I see some positive change in you during your suspension. Of course, I was on a similar path when I was younger myself.

RK: You got suspended too for saying messed-up BS to the faculty?

JAYLYNN: When did it happen?

 _Mr. Robertson looks around dumbfounded and throws up his hands._

MR. ROBERTSON: Sometime in a previous life, I'd imagine.

SCENE 16

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky is asleep on the couch when he opens his eyes slowly and sees Buster staring at him intently._

SPARKY: **AAAAAAAAHHHHH!** What are you doing here?

BUSTER: I wanted to make sure you were okay. And it looks like you are. You know, for a kid, you sleep an awfully long time.

SPARKY: Buster, how long have you been here?

BUSTER: I don't know, I lost track after two hours. But I'm just hoping you're rested in time for the statewide spelling bee. It's huge.

SPARKY: Are you insane?! You've been running me ragged for the past number of weeks, I finally get some rest and you're still thinking about some stupid competition?

BUSTER: It's not stupid. It's my destiny to kick everyone's ass! I mean, your destiny. Look, just think about it while you're off from school. You collapsed from exhaustion.

SPARKY: Yeah, with my own best friend being the catalyst for it.

BUSTER: Sparky, I would never try to make you sick. That's one of the meanest things a friend can do. But if you do decide to compete, I do think there are some more word drills you need to go through since those other kids are going to be coming at you like wildfire. Simon Chu from Olympia, Tara Richardson from Tacoma, Leon Harris from Spokane...

SPARKY: Ah, f*** off, Neanderthal.

BUSTER: What did you just say?

SPARKY: Um, one of the words I should study is Neanderthal. N-e-a-n-d-e-r-t-h-a-l. Neanderthal.

BUSTER: Oh. That's weird, I thought you just told me to f*** off. I guess I must be hearing things. Well, see ya.

SPARKY: Yeah, see ya.

 _Sparky has a conflicted look on his face as Buster leaves._

SCENE 17

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _RK is watching TV when Anna comes in. She looks quite unhappy._

RK: Oh, hey babe. How's tricks?

ANNA: Don't "babe" me, lover boy.

RK: What?

ANNA: RK, I heard what you did. Honestly, I think it's disgusting.

RK: You mean, that homophobic slur I used? I was five, I didn't know any better!

ANNA: Not that. Wait, what slur? Never mind. Just...why? Why would you lust after a counselor and then tell her all that stuff? She's married! That's not going to turn her on, that's going to make her think you're insane.

RK: The plan sounded better in my head. What's odd is that considering the way teachers act these days, this is pretty ironic.

ANNA: You don't have a freaking clue why I'm so mad, do you?

RK: Because I had a crush on a woman from school?

ANNA: No. Because when you did, you forgot all about me. It's like you cared about that damn counselor more than you did me.

RK: I didn't mean to make you feel like you didn't matter. There are a lot of things I don't mean to do, but if someone could just sit down and tell me why I shouldn't do something, I won't do it.

ANNA: RK, I can't take shit like this. I get that you thought she was cute, but why would you ever be so obsessed with her like that?

RK: I don't know, okay? We don't really talk that much these days, and I guess I was looking for a pick-me-up.

ANNA: You do realize that sounds really lame, right?

RK: Yeah. Look, Anna, I'm really sorry I made you feel like that. That Henderson chick means nothing to me. When I'm with you, you're my world and you're the only one that matters. Forget what happened. I want to just rub my hands clean of this mess because if there's one thing I can't say to any other girl, it's that I love you, Anna Revia.

ANNA: You do? You love me?

RK: I wouldn't say what I don't mean. But hey, you know, I get that this is something you have to think about. I mean, when a person says "I love you," everything changes. We might not even act the same way around each other.

ANNA: RK?

RK: Yeah?

 _At that moment, Anna kisses RK._

ANNA: I love you too.

RK: Really? You...you love me?

ANNA: Uh-huh.

RK: Wow. I have a little pain in my stomach now but I guess it's alright.

 _KG walks in through the front door and sees RK and Anna smiling at each other._

KG: Aw, I can feel a tender moment.

ANNA: RK and I are in love.

RK: It's true.

KG: Dude, if you keep going after girls like this, you WILL get an STD in junior high. Trust me.

SCENE 18

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Dining Area

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky sits alone at the bar looking depressed. He starts banging on the table._

SPARKY: Woody? Another Mountain Dew Code Red with a lemonade shot, keep it coming.

WOODY: Sparky, this is your fifth one today.

SPARKY: I know when I've had enough and it's not my TIME YET!

WOODY: Okay. Crazy.

 _Woody takes the glass Sparky was drinking out of and starts washing it when an Asian kid with a spiky haircut, glasses, a blue plaid shirt, khakis, and Adidas Originals walks in._

SIMON: Hey, sir? A plain Coke, no ice.

WOODY: Coming right up.

SPARKY: You come here often?

SIMON: Nope, this is my first time. I'm in town for a contest.

SPARKY: Be prepared for high prices and long waits. Damn economy.

SIMON: Hey, wait a minute. You're Sparky MacDougal?

SPARKY: Yeah, I am.

SIMON: The human dictionary?

SPARKY: Yeah. Have we went to school together?

SIMON: No, I'm Simon Chu. I'm from Olympia we're both competing in the spelling bee next week.

SPARKY: Oh yeah, you ARE Simon. I heard about you. Your winning word in the citywide bee was "insurmountable." Great work.

SIMON: You too. My whole town's talking about you. It's going to be a really tough competition.

SPARKY: You won't have to worry about me. I'm dropping my spot.

SIMON: Wait, seriously? But you're one of the best spellers out there, you not competing would be terrible.

SPARKY: I entered these spelling bees because I wanted to feel special. To show people I could be somebody. But now, my best friend is turning into an obnoxious, competitive blowhard. I think he even got it from me.

SIMON: What does he have to do with it?

SPARKY: He's my "coach," if you want to call it that.

SIMON: Oh. Well, you should never do something just because you don't want to piss someone off. Forget that garbage dude.

SPARKY: He's not a garbage dude, but I just wish he could see things my way.

SIMON: Maybe it's just a phase. Once you lose, he'll probably get over it.

SPARKY: Well, he has gone through weird phases in the past. Like when he was afraid of direct contact.

 _CUTAWAY GAG_

 _RK walks up to Buster in the hallway at school and tries giving him a high-five, but Buster screams and then runs away, causing RK to scratch his head._

 _END OF CUTAWAY_

SIMON: Eh, you just need to set him straight. At least he's not like my dad. He said if I lose, I can only eat lo mein on Thursdays and I have to get a 100 on my next math test.

 _Sparky gives Simon a bored look._

SIMON: Poking fun at yourself never hurt!

SCENE 19

KeyArena

Seattle, Washington

 _Several people are coming into the arena and taking their seats, getting set for the Scholastic Washington State Spelling Competition. RK, Anna, Wade, and Jaylynn are all sitting in the front row._

RK: Anna, I want to take you home and light you up like a pile of fireworks in Syria.

ANNA: Oh yeah? Well, I want to say "I love you" in 42 different languages.

WADE: I want to blast you both upside the head if you don't keep the PDA to a minimum.

RK: What's the matter, Wade? Upset that Adi couldn't make it?

WADE: Only I can call her that!

ANNA: I was calling her that way before she met you.

WADE: Point taken. Why couldn't she show up anyway?

ANNA: She hates spelling bees. Ever since she was a little kid. She misspelled "asthmatic" during the schoolwide spelling bee and lost in the first round.

RK: Well, those consonants can get to you.

WADE AND ANNA: True.

 _Meanwhile, Sparky and Buster are backstage with the other contestants. Buster is wearing a suit and tie while Sparky is in dress clothes without the jacket._

SPARKY: Buster, we need to talk about something before I go out there.

BUSTER: Just a minute. I need to make sure you don't have any eye crystals. Looks good in one eye. Other one...perfect. Now what did you want to talk about?

SIMON: Hey, Sparky!

SPARKY: What's up, Simon?

 _Simon approaches Sparky and Buster with his father._

BUSTER: You know your competition?

SPARKY: Yeah, Ike's. So is this your dad?

SIMON: Sure is.

DAVEY: Hi, my name is Mr. Davey Chu.

BUSTER: Davey Chu? Hmm, sounds familiar.

DAVEY: Yeah, I competed in a couple spelling bees when I was younger. I even made it to the national one in 1992.

SPARKY: Cool.

DAVEY: Yup, but today, I'm just here to cheer on my little man. Remember, Simon: Winning isn't everything. Just go out there and do your best. And it never hurts to be a little cocky from time to time.

BUSTER: Sparky, you're the underdog. Fans and critics already think of you as someone who can't pull it off. So you need to waste every single speller in sight, and if you don't, man oh man, you're going to get it when we get home.

 _There is an awkward pause for a few seconds as Buster menacingly pounds his fists together._

SPARKY: Whose child are you?

SCENE 20

KeyArena

Seattle, Washington

 _There is a packed house in the arena as an African-American man steps up to the podium. Buster has now taken a seat next to RK._

MALE JUDGE: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Howard Gooding, and welcome to the 22nd annual Washington State Spelling Competition, brought to you by Scholastic. The winner of this event will receive $2,500 and represent Washington in the regional spelling bee later this month. A few finalists will also be chosen as well based on judge approval. So without further ado, let us start with our first speller. From iCarly Elementary School, Seattle's very own Sparky MacDougal!

 _The audience claps their hands as Sparky walks up to the podium. The gang also shows their support as they wave at Sparky, who waves back._

BUSTER: YEAHHHHH, SPARKY THE MURDERER! SPARKY'S GOING TO BEAT YOU INTO A PULP, SPIT YOU OUT, AND EAT YOU UP! THE SPARK PLUG, THE HUMAN DICTIONARY, THE SP...THE SP-SPARKMEISTER, HAHA!

RK: Buster, will you stop making a fool out of yourself? I'm telling you, it's one thing to be an obnoxious prick, but at least have some kind of shame! Now sit down, shut the hell up, and watch your friend do his thing before I kick your showboating ass.

BUSTER: Fine, grouchy.

MR. GOODING: Let's get started. Sparky, your first word is "delectation."

 _(in his thoughts)_ SPARKY: _Delectation? That word is so easy! (looks at a smiling Buster) Wait a minute. What if I end up winning this spelling bee? Buster's going to keep acting like this over and over again. He might end up doing this if I ever meet the President!_

 _Sparky ends up having a daydream where he and Buster are at the White House, meeting President Obama and the First Family. Secret Service is also on hand as Sparky receives a medal from Obama. An instrumental version of "Hail to the Chief" plays in the background._

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Sparky MacDougal, on behalf of the U.S. government, we would like to present you this honorary gold medal for winning the 2015 Scripps National Spelling Bee.

SPARKY: Thank you, Mr. President. I'm very honored to be here today in front of all of these important people and...

BUSTER: THAT'S IT! THAT'S MY BOY, SPARKY THE CRUSHER! THE SPARKMEISTER STRIKES AGAIN WITH HIS ELOQUENCE! YOU HEAR THAT, EVERYBODY?! MY FRIEND SPARKY CONQUERED THE SPELLING BEE OF AMERICA! THIS YEAR, **HE** IS THE GREATEST SPELLER ALIVE! _(to the tune of "The World's Greatest" by R. Kelly)_ HE'S THE KING, HE WILL SURVIVE! HE JUST ATE YOU ALL ALIVE! HEY, HE MADE IT! YES SIR, HE'S THE WORLD'S GREATEST! OH, HE KICKED EVERY SPELLER'S ASS! THERE'S NO TEST THAT HE CAN'T PASS! HEY, HE MADE IT! WHOA-OH, HE'S THE WORLD'S GREATEST!

PRESIDENT OBAMA: You're an absolute discredit to your country.

SPARKY: I know.

 _The daydream ends as Sparky tries to get his wits back._

SPARKY: _Let me just spell this word and screw up the next one._ Delectation. D-i-l-e-c-t-a-t-i-o-n. Delectation.

MR. GOODING: I'm sorry, Sparky, that's incorrect.

 _Sparky starts to develop an emotionless look on his face. Buster starts making a choking motion and falls over, then picks himself up._

SPARKY: _Wrong?! I GOT THAT WRONG?! YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'M SPARKY FREAKING MACDOUGAL! I SHOULD COME TO YOUR HOUSE, GRAB A KNIFE, AND CHOP THE HEAD OFF YOUR STUPID PETS, **HOW DARE YOU?!**_ Okay, thank you.

MR. GOODING: Our next speller is Simon Chu.

DAVEY: That's my boy!

SIMON: Delectation. D-e-l-e-c-t-a-t-i-o-n. Delectation.

MR. GOODING: Correct. Now, that officially eliminates Sparky MacDougal from the competition.

 _(talking to a woman sitting next to him and clapping)_ DAVEY: That's my son. He takes after his old man. Not as handsome as me, but a great speller.

 _The camera cuts to a disappointed look on Sparky's face._

SCENE 21

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky is on the couch looking disappointed while Buster stands up, looking annoyed._

BUSTER: How could you have screwed up that word?

SPARKY: I don't know, okay? You figure it out.

 _Bitch Clock walks in from the kitchen with a can of Coors in his hand._

BITCH CLOCK: Hey Sparky, I heard about what happened. It's too bad. I was hoping to introduce President Obama to Newcastle one day.

SPARKY: It's whatever.

BUSTER: I don't know, maybe we should do some more drills. You can't let this loss become a setback.

SPARKY: WILL YOU SHUT THE F*** UP AND LET IT GO?! IT'S OVER!

 _Sparky runs upstairs at that moment._

BITCH CLOCK: Well, you finally broke him. Congratulations.

BUSTER: How is this my fault? I was just trying to boost his confidence.

BITCH CLOCK: But he didn't need it, at least not from you.

BUSTER: What?

BITCH CLOCK: You kept pushing him over and over again to win. You wanted him to be the best so badly, you forgot that you were supposed to be his friend first.

BUSTER: Oh my God. You're right. This really is all my fault. But what do I do now? Should I talk to him now or should I just come back tomorrow and talk to him? Or should I talk to him in school or maybe...

BITCH CLOCK: NOW!

BUSTER: Right.

 _Sparky is shown in his room lying on his bed. He looks annoyed. Buster knocks on the door._

SPARKY: Go away.

BUSTER: Sparky, we have to talk.

SPARKY: Fine, make it quick.

 _Buster walks in and looks nervous._

BUSTER: Sparky, I hope you don't feel the need to scream at me.

SPARKY: I don't feel the need to...because I want to.

BUSTER: Look, dude, Bitch Clock made me see how much of an asshole I was. I didn't mean to make you hate spelling bees, they were supposed to be fun. I should have thought more about what you wanted to do instead of being so obnoxious. Anyway, I'm sorry for the way I acted.

SPARKY: You really mean that?

BUSTER: Of course I do. You're my best friend in the whole world, Sparky, and I would never go out of my way to hurt you. I hear that's a one-way ticket to hell.

SPARKY: Well, I accept your apology. I was a little rude to you too so I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you what you were doing, but I just couldn't. I guess I didn't think you would listen to me.

BUSTER: No way. Of course, I would listen. If I'm doing something wrong, I wanna know. Or if I'm doing something stupid, or odd, pretty much anything that's bad, I have to know. I don't want to be a bad person.

SPARKY: And you don't have to. I just can't believe a spelling bee almost tore us apart.

BUSTER: I know, right? I got so competitive wanting you to beat all those other kids. Well, you live and you learn.

SPARKY: Yeah.

BUSTER: I learned a valuable lesson today. Desserts are good on occasion, but it's always good to maintain a balanced diet.

SPARKY: What the hell are you talking about?

BUSTER: I learned that lesson this morning after Wade yelled at me for ten minutes. By the way, did you get that word wrong on purpose?

SPARKY: No, I actually thought I spelled it right.

BUSTER: Are you sure? Because it seemed like you were trying to teach me the importance of not getting worked up over competition.

SPARKY: I wasn't.

BUSTER: You don't have to be ashamed, we all screw up on purpose.

SPARKY: I thought I got it RIGHT!

BUSTER: I believe you, man.

SPARKY: Thank you. Well, I guess that's the end of this a-d-v-e-n-t-u-r-e.

 _Awkward pause for a few seconds._

BUSTER: W-what did you just say?

 _The screen fades to black as Sparky sighs. The five main cast members are then shown at the red carpet for the 67th Primetime Emmy Awards._

TESTICULAR SOUND EXPRESS: Now it's time for...

STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!

KIDS: Music Time!

STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.

 _("Nas is Like" by Nas playing in the end credits)_

©2015 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. S-P-A-R-K-Y the Letter Man B-Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 10/4/15)_

-This was the first episode of season four that was actually completed. I started writing it on September 11 and finished on the 26th, I believe. There was some time between then where I was putting it off.

-I don't exactly remember how or why I came up with this episode. I just know that a spelling bee story was simple enough that I could get a lot of comedy out of it. It was interesting writing Buster as an over-competitive loon who doesn't listen to Sparky when most of the time, he doesn't do anything selfish or malicious. Sparky/Buster episodes are always fun for me to write since, as said before, they are more mild-mannered and childlike than RK, Wade, and Jaylynn.

-The subplot was created entirely from a dream. The dream was that my school had a new social worker and her name was Valerie Henderson, but I knew it was Inga Cadranel because of what she looked like. The rest is blurry, but I knew that kind of plot would be perfect for RK. Originally, he was supposed to be a lot more aggressive with his advances, but then I realized he had to be kept likable to a certain degree in order for the plot to work. One thing that I always loved when it comes to writing for RK is that he is usually unaware of the consequences of what he's about to do until he actually does it. He legitimately believes in his heart that his ideas are going to work out despite everyone telling him that he's out of his mind. When the show was first conceived, I thought of RK as a schemer, someone who slacks off in school and is a little insensitive but he's a master at coming up with all these wild plans. The plan would usually succeed or fail depending on how much thought RK put into it.

-In August, I was watching a lot of _Everybody Hates Chris_ episodes and wanted to find a way to do an affectionate parody of the show. That's when I came up with the idea to use the RK/Anja conflict as the parody itself while also having it affect the characters on the show. Part II might be delayed by another week since I really want to focus on next week's episode while not having to worry about the short and some other stuff going on in the background. I'm having a lot of trouble with finding an ending to the short that's not only funny, but makes sense. It would also have to remind you of something you would see on _Everybody Hates Chris._

-This is Chris Rock's second appearance on the show ("The Theory of God-olution" in season one being the first).

-The guest appearances by Andre Kim and Jared Leong were meant to tie into the episode while also making more pop-culture references. Leong's most known role was when he played Davey Chu, Stephanie's spelling rival in the _Full House_ episode "Spellbound." It made sense to have him in this episode encouraging his son Simon. This is actually a double reference to _Degrassi_ , the show Kim is known for right now. He plays Winston Chu on the show and in the most recent season, Winston ended up putting on a musical at Degrassi called _Captain Who_ , and he played the titular character whose real name was Simon. You get the idea.

-William Daniels' guest appearance was originally supposed to be him as Mr. Robertson teaching at iCarly Elementary, but when I remembered that Robertson was set to retire at the end of the previous school year ("Sparky Inflates the Grade"), I changed his role to him just visiting the school.

-In "Spellbound," Davey's nickname was "The Human Dictionary," so that's why it was used for Sparky. Also, Sparky's use of the mnemonic device is a reference to a scene in the episode where Stephanie is struggling to remember the word "success," so Danny teaches her about the mnemonic device.

-At the time of writing this, the Astros were one of the best teams in the MLB, and still are at this point so that is why I used them. The reference is even more timely considering the current situation with the playoff picture.

-I remember being unable to control myself at the library when I was working on scene six. Of course I think my own material is funny, but there are those special moments where I write something and I make myself crack up.

-Months before I wrote this episode, I knew the "Spellbound" montage was going in. I was listening to the song a lot at the time and figured it would be perfect for this episode.

-Because _Everybody Hates Chris_ was set in the 1980s, a majority of the songs played on the show were from that decade. Using "Set 'Em Straight" was more of a twist on it since it was released in 1990.

-I was going to have RK narrate, but I figured it would be more authentic and funnier if Chris Rock did it himself. To make it simple, I wrote lines that I imagined he would come up with on his own.

-Buster asking Nurse Patricia if Sparky's dead is one of my favorite lines in the whole episode.

-RK references the time he shot KG in "Duck Infection," as a cutaway joke when he thought KG had anthrax.

-I always believed that if Sparky was unable to put Buster in check for whatever reason, RK would be the next best person.

-Originally, Sparky was going to screw up the word on purpose as an act of defiance against Buster, but then I thought it would be funnier and more in line with his competitive streak if he actually misspelled the word and thought he got it right.

-Buster was originally supposed to miss the lesson entirely, but that felt uncharacteristic of him so I made it into a stupid joke to add to what he had already learned in his dealings with Sparky.

-To get pumped for season four a few months ago, I used "Nas is Like" as a promotional song for it, much like how "Berzerk" by Eminem was used to help ring in season three. That's why it plays here. Originally, the end credits song was going to be "Unbelievable" by The Notorious B.I.G.


End file.
